Too much is not Enough
by a.k.a ettie
Summary: Bella is suffering an illness, which she hides from Edward. Afraid that she will cause him too much grief she moves out to Florida with her mother. Edward thinks she will return in three weeks, but then he finds out why she really is in Florida and he is
1. Part I

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters nor do I own the plot from Stephenie Meyer's book "Twilight". I do not own the song "Too much of not Enough" from Silverchair.

_Bella is suffering an illness, which she hides from Edward. Afraid that she will cause him too much grief she moves out to Florida with her mother. Edward thinks she will return in three weeks, but then he finds out why she really is in Florida and he is none too happy about it. E&B of course! _

**TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH**

**BY A.K.A ETTIE**

_**Bella**_

It is enough. I remember what Edward had said about how he felt about our love. My love for him was enough for forever he had said. He would not change me. He would never change me – whatever the situation. I respected him for that. He only wants what is best for me. I can't blame him for that, but I can't help but feel betrayed…maybe that isn't the right word. I can't put my finger on it. I feel like he's let me down; he isn't letting me make my own decisions. I _want_ this. Does he fully understand that I know the consequences?

I've been diagnosed with Leukemia. I've actually had it for a while, before I moved to Forks. Chemo didn't work for me neither did the other treatments. Bummer too. I've learned to not let it affect me, but at the moment it's becoming very hard. It's getting worse. Edward is starting to smell the difference. The cancer is why I moved out to Forks, to live with Charlie before I go _poof_. Mum was reluctant of course that I go, but I had a very persuasive tool – death of course! I'm left for Phoenix with Charlie to spend my _last_ days with Mum. I didn't want to spend my last days in some hospital room with their white walls and the smell of bleach. I was going to spend it in my old bedroom where I would be comfortable…well as comfortable as I could be. So I'm lying in my deathbed at the moment bored as hell.

I just hope Edward understands. I don't want to hurt you anymore, promise me you'll understand.

"I promise." Edward whispered into my hair. There were so many promises between us. And they would be broken soon. I sat in his lap in the sunny meadow. His sparkling diamond arms wrapped around my waist. "I'll never tire of this." I said resting my hands over his. "Good. 'Cause I don't plan on letting you go anytime soon." Oh Edward. You have no idea. I tried to mask my feelings and plastered a small smile on my lips. "I love you Edward." I turned to him and kissed him softly. He smiled faintly and sighed. His breath still intoxicating left me breathless. That made him smile fully. "I love you too Bella." That was a breaking point for me there. That dazzling smile and those topaz eyes. He may be strong enough to resist, but I for sure wasn't. I practically attacked him. I hurled myself at him. I kissed him fully on those delectable lips. He opened up to me and I gladly let in to my senses and kissed him for all the love that I had for him. I pushed him to the ground – still kissing – running my hands through his silken bronze hair. I felt his cold hands travel up and down the sides of my body and then as if he were stunned froze. He stopped the kiss and I let out a weighted breath my eyes still closed I sighed. He did as well although it sounded pained. "Bella," he sighed again, "I'm sorry." Our lips so close still I lightly brushed my lips to the corner of his mouth and slowly lifted myself off of him. He chuckled. "You attacked me." He caught me off guard again with the rate with that his moods changed. "Sorry." I mumbled looking away from him so he wouldn't see me blush. He put his finger under my chin and directed me to look him in the eye. He smiled. I glared remembering why I had acted the way I just had. "You dazzled me. I can't be blamed for my actions when you do that. That was your fault." I accused.

"Well excuse me, Bella," He said mockingly, "But I can't help it if I'm good looking." I punched him playfully in the chest. He gathered me into a big ball and bear hugged me. I smiled. I know it sounds cheesy but this _is_ the life. If only I wasn't bloody sick…no pun intended. I pushed that aside and let the feeling of Edward around me be the only thing that I felt: love.

The memory ran through my mind. I smiled. "What are you smiling about Bella?" my mother asked sitting beside my bed. "Just remembering something," I said simply. She frowned expecting. "Tell me." She was still the same Rene no subtleties.

"Okay." I whispered. I closed my eyes and smiled about to live the memory again. One tear escaped the pools in Rene's eyes. She sucked in the fresh air from the bedroom window and let it out on a shaky exhale. "Bella, I had no idea." She knew now how strong the love between Edward and I was. "Hmmm," I replied wondering what Edward was doing.

_**Alice**_

Oh God what am I going to do? This is eating at me. I remembered when Bella told me. It must have been at least three months ago. "Alice you've seen it haven't you? You know that I'm sick." Bella asked.

"Yes." I whispered. I was surprised at first when I saw what I had in my mind. She wasn't in any danger because of Edward or us, but because of the cards that fate had dealt her. "You haven't told Edward." I stated. For some reason we were speaking in hushed tones even though we were in my car driving to Port Angeles. "I'm not going to tell him and you aren't either. Please Alice. You have to understand." I nodded understandingly. But she felt compelled to justify her decision. "I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already am. I've kept pushing and pushing for him to change me." She confided, "Pushing," she repeated again as she shook her head. "He's probably already told you or you've seen it, but he snapped. He said he would never do it any under circumstances. I dropped it and I've never said anything about it since then. I have to accept what he wants. He's trying to keep me safe. And I love him for that. I _love _him." Her voice broke. I reached over to hold her hand. I knew this was very tough for her. More than tough. If I were in her shoes insanity would surely take me over. My heart broke for her. I squeezed her hand encouraging her to continue. "I was diagnosed with Leukemia when I was 15. I went through chemotherapy and we thought it would be over. But it wasn't. We tried the other treatments, they worked for a while, but then my body grew immune to them. To tell you I was depressed as hell would be an understatement. I tried to end my life." I remember tensing up in shock as she revealed that to me. I was genuinely shocked. I looked at her. Never would I ever think that the cheery, funny, clumsy Bella would ever try to end her life. "I mean I would die a slow painful death anyways so why not just do it now…get it over and done with. My mother found me she acted quickly. I was in the hospital under observation for a while. Mum made me see some shrinks. I was stubborn at first, but they helped me. I had a new philosophy. I had to make what time I had left worthwhile." I looked at Bella from the road and a smile spread across her lips. "I think I've done that." I smiled with her. She sighed and her face was solemn once more. "I want Edward and I to part on happy terms. He doesn't have to know until I'm gone. Gone as in dead."

"Doesn't that bother you? Knowing that you'll be gone in a matter of years - months, slowly dying. Don't you feel sad for yourself?" I was so curious.

"It doesn't bother me anymore. Of course it did at first." Not mentioning her attempt suicide. I think she was ashamed of herself about that. "And no, I'm not sad for myself. I have Edward, you and your family. I'm so thankful for that. I love you Alice. Someone must be watching over me to have been so lucky to find you guys." This Bella surprised me. I had never known this side of her and I myself was so lucky to have been given this opportunity to have something so precious in my life. I squeezed her hand again. "I love you too Bella." We both smiled.

"Sometime it's hard around Edward to be strong. I just want to blurt it all out. Let it lift off my shoulders. Sometimes I get so weak – physically – but I can't let it show otherwise he'll question and get all worried and frustrated. I don't want that. He's already worried about me as it is me being klutz and all." She chuckled at herself. "Alice please be careful of what you think around Edward."

"I promise Bella. Don't worry I promise."

"Thank you," she said softly.

What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I promised Bella I wouldn't tell, but it's so hard. Edward could, might change his mind about changing Bella and then they would be together…forever. But then she said that Edward wouldn't change her. I've seen all this. What she said was true. And in my premonition she dies. Please don't let this be true. And in a long, long time I felt the tears of a bittersweet love run down my cold face. Thank God that it wasn't my love. Again I was faced with the question that lingered in my mind. Would I tell Edward or would I – Oh my God.

_**Edward**_

I tried enjoying the sun's warmth on my skin as I lay in the meadow. But I felt very lonely besides the obvious reason that I was alone. But I felt so _lonely._ "Bella." I sighed. I longed for her touch, her kiss, to hear her voice, for her sweet floral scent. My eyes swirled from gold to black frustrated that I was immobile and helpless without her. I was ultimately lost. I forced myself to think of her return. Only three more weeks, but that felt and sounded so far away. Instead of torturing myself I forced myself to relive the happy memories that we made together. "Edward!" I surprised her snaking my arms around her waist as she sat at her desk doing her homework English I noticed. I pressed butterfly kisses along the column of her neck. "Mmmm," I enjoyed her unconscious response as her head fell back. I smiled. "Have you been her long?" she asked her breath shaky. I was pleased even more. "Only a while, I couldn't resist. I'm sorry, but you'll have to finish this later." I gently closed her English book. "No problem." she said enthusiastically. I chuckled. She turned around to face me. She raked her nimble fingers through my hair. I knelt before her so we were eye level. Effortlessly I slid her chair closer to me so we were mere centimeters apart. I breathed in her scent, more potent up close. My eyelids heavy with pleasure closed. I felt Bella lean forward and softly brush her soft, supple lips across each eyelid. I sighed in the simple gesture. I inhaled her scent again. I groaned. I opened my eyes to see her tilt her head in curiosity. "You're going to drive me wild…I'm almost there." I could tell that she breathed me in shivering at in reaction. I was glad that I had the same affect on her. "Well that's just not good enough. I'm just going to have to try harder," she pouted mockingly. I laughed out loud softly as not to disturb Charlie downstairs. "I need a human moment." She faced me with a questionable look.

"Of course," She made to get up but my arms around her wouldn't let her go. Her eyebrow shot up in question the side of her mouth tipped upwards. "Right after another kiss," She giggled and my God how sweet it was. I nearly, _nearly_ lost it. My eyes turned a feral black. "Edward?" I heard her whisper.

"Just give me a minute." I rested my forehead against hers; we were both still. She understood the raging battle inside me and I was so grateful and it reminded me that I did not deserve her. She, my angel, looked into my eyes as they melted and faded into gold. Bella smiled gently. "Thank you." I staggered my voice hoarse. Our lips met once again and I was content when she left for the bathroom.

Growing restless once more I started for home. I ran through the woods the sensation letting me feel so free – carefree almost. My mind wandered back to Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella. White teeth gleamed; I smiled when I remembered the first time I took her running. I laughed. And then it hit me. Literally as well. I lost my mind for that second and smashed through the trees. I stopped to recover from my incident and my new realization. It's _not_ enough for forever. I don't want to live my memories with _her_ forever. I don't want to _live_ through my memories I want to be with Bella forever. I want to make new ones with her. I finally understood why she wanted me to change her. Excited, thrilled and rejuvenated I started for home again wanting to call Bella and hear her melodic, chirpy voice.

I ran up the stairs heading to my bedroom. It hit me. The sadness, tears, illness, love, hurt all of it came flooding out and into my mind involuntary. I entered Alice's bedroom my temper fuming.

_**Alice**_

"Edward. Edward please." I cried frantically. It was useless to try and defuse his temper he was in. He always had a very bad one. His eyes were as black as black, his muscles flexed under his shirt, his teeth bared. He snarled, crouching to attack. All I could think of then was self-preservation, but I seemed to lack the courage as I dropped into a ball hiding my face between my folded legs my arms tight around them. I sobbed. Edward didn't relent as he used brute force. I blocked my mind thinking of anything but Bella. He made him even wilder. I started to scream for Jasper, Esme anyone who could rescue me. I could smell the blood as it ran from my arms as Edward clawed. "TELL ME." I heard him yell. "WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME?" she continued. "Why didn't _you_ tell me?" he growled. I was terrified. "_WHY_, why, why?" he started to grow weak. "Why, why?" he kept repeating his hits became pathetic stabs as he voice grew into sobs. He slumped onto the floor his head in his hands as he cried over his Bella – his one and only.

_**Bella**_

With some help with mum I was sitting on the couch in front of telly. Even though it was pretty warm I wore Edward's jacket, a sort of parting gift…that I demanded! I breathed in deeply letting the smell take me somewhere entirely different than were I was now.

"What are you doing today Dad?" I asked Charlie at the kitchen table over dinner.

"Fishing with Billy. Going to a new spot. Should be good fun." Fishing good? Never in my wildest dreams would I find fishing good and in the least in any way fun. "I hope you come home with a good catch." I washed up as Charlie watched a game on the T.V. There was a knock on the door and I raced Charlie to answer it. "Edward." I almost barreled through the door smacking into it hard. "Bella. Careful." Edward admonished, but he smiled goofily. "Hi Edward." Charlie greeted.

"Hi Charlie. How are you?"

"Good, good."

"C'mon." I grabbed Edward's hand and almost dragged him past Charlie to my bedroom. "Charlie." Edward politely farewelled, always the gentleman.

"Bella?" he questioned me.

"Can't I be eager to spend some quality with my boyfriend?"

"Yes, it just caught me off guard a bit." I guess he did have a point; the last time we saw each other was about two hours ago.

"Are you going to attack me?" Edward asked playfully with an edge of wickedness. I closed the door half way abiding Charlie's rules. "You wish," I played along, "I do too." We both laughed. Edward lounged on the bed his back against the wall his legs spread in a 'v'. He patted the area in front of him motioning for me to join him. I gladly did. He chuckled at my enthusiasm to comply. He brought me closer as I snuggled into him. I laid one had on this thigh and one over his hands wrapped around my waist. His hug was immoveable steel, yet gentle. I drew lazy circles on his hand with my fingers as I laid my head against his chest my neck clearly visible. We were very contented, satisfied, and so very happy in the comfortable silence. He pressed lips the top of my head breathing in the scent of my hair. He sighed even more complacent with our embrace. I closed my eyes enjoying the phenomenal experience of being with him. I felt him slowly bow his head nestling his face into the crook of my neck. I sighed happily and I felt him smile. His arms around me tightened some more as I began to rub the outside of his thigh with my leg. My heart began to quicken and I was sure he could feel it slam into his chest at the force of it. He chucked and I concluded that he had noticed. "Relax." He commanded.

"Do you know how silly that sounds?" I said frustrated. I felt his chest vibrate with his light laughter. I tingled all over. I still couldn't believe that this was happening to me. Isabella Swan with a vampire so madly in love with each other. If I ever wasted my money on fortunetellers I'd demand my money back if they had told me this. "What are you thinking?" He asked.

"How madly in love I am with you." my voice barely audible to myself. He moved one hand up to the side of my neck gently cradling it, caressing it softly. I slowly brought my hand up to the back of his neck playing with the ends of his hair. His lips began teasing the skin just below my ear. I shivered involuntary. "Isabella, the beautiful one." He whispered. "I wish." I said jokingly. I heard him growl in the back of his throat unhappy with my response. Ignoring him I turned my head towards him catching him on the lips mid-growl. Well that shut him up! "Quite delectable." My voice hummed with delight. He smiled aiming to trail butterfly kisses from my temple the bottom of my neck. There he rested his chin over my shoulder bringing his hand back down around my waist as I did as well. "I'll die a happy girl." I sighed giving no thought to what I had said. Second thoughts rushed through my head. I bit my tongue. Luckily his body rocked lightly with quiet laughter. He was always unpredictable with his moods as I was always guessing his reaction. "I love you Bella." He whispered.

"I know and I love you too Edward. You'll always remember that won't you?" I asked.

"Of course." He answered rolling his head so his face was turned into my neck. His cool breath gave me goose bumps. Noticing he began to rub his hands up and down my arms trying to keep my warm. We were like that I was told afterwards that I fell asleep in the position we were in when Charlie embarrassingly told Edward it was time to go.

"You're thinking about him again aren't you?" Rene noticed the smile on my face again. "Why don't you just ask him to come over?" she suggested.

"Mum he doesn't know and I don't want him to know?" I said frustrated. I really wasn't in the mood for explaining, but she was having none of it. "Bell-" she started. She didn't realize that _I _was having none of it. "Please mum I…. I'm just really not in the mood." I said a little too snappily. "Please." I said softer a pleading in my eyes.

"Okay Bella. Whatever you want." She kissed my forehead.

"Thanks mum."

_**Edward**_

"Why?" I asked again. I was so suddenly tired I couldn't hold myself upright. I sat in a pathetic heap on the floor. "What's wrong?" I heard Jasper with Esme run into the room.

"What did you do to her?" Jasper's voice rough invaded my thoughts of Bella.

"No, Jasper. It's alright." Alice tried to compose herself. Esme came over to me placing a hand on my shoulder. I roughly rolled my shoulder forcing her back. Just as Jasper was about to say something Alice asked for them to leave. They left hesitantly closing the door behind them. "She told me three months ago." She started. I looked up. Her face was tear streaked, her hair mused and the blood almost dried along her arms. "Bella," her voice broke. She paused gathering herself. "Bella," she started again, "asked me if I had seen it. I had. She asked me not to say anything. To be careful what I thought of around you. It was so hard what she asked, but I promised her. Edward, she loves you so much. You need to, have to understand why she chose to do this."

"What _leave_ me?"

"It's inevitable Edward." She said slowly testing if it were safe to continue. "She was going to pass away eventually. I love Bella like a sister and I would have changed her right then and there when she confided in me. But it wasn't my place to do it. She respected you for making the decision you did not to change her. She loves you for caring for her like nobody else did. She didn't want to hurt you than she already had. This is why she chose to leave. So the two of you would part happily." A million things passed through my mind so quickly jumbling from memory to emotion.

"And then what?" she understood what I meant referring to Bella passing away as much as it hurt to say.

"I was to give you this." She reached into her dresser and pulled out a small video recorder. My brows furrowed as a pressed play. Bella sat in the middle of the screen. My angel. I yearned for her touch. I muffled a cry wiping furiously at the tears clouding my vision.

_I hope you enjoyed Part I of 'Too much is not Enough'. I enjoyed writing it. I love getting reviews and I would love if you would review and tell me what you think about it so far even if you don' t like it. I apologize for the grammar and spelling mistakes. Thanks again. Take care._


	2. Part II

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters nor do I own the plot from Stephenie Meyer's book "Twilight". I do not own the song "Too much of not Enough" from Silverchair.

_Bella is suffering an illness, which she hides from Edward. Afraid that she will cause him too much grief she moves out to Florida with her mother. Edward thinks she will return in three weeks, but then he finds out why she really is in Florida and he is none too happy about it. E&B of course! _

**T_hank you to _**Suma Susaki, XfirexenigmaX, Bailey Laurelle and Alphie who are my first four reviewers. Edit: Thank you to Hellish Red Devil, starynite816 and michelle (Anon).

Hi guys,

Just a quick note I'm having a little trouble with my tenses so please bear with me and don't hesitate in the least to tell me where I've made a mistake. Also sorry for the wait. I don't like posting chapters less than 3 pages so thanks for waiting it out for PART II.

**TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH**

**BY A.K.A ETTIE**

_**Edward**_

"Edward," she smiled. How could she have been so happy during all these months? I hadn't even suspected a thing, which was, I guess, her goal. "Please don't be mad at Alice. She only did what she promised for me – for what I had asked. I know you probably hate me at the moment." She pouted a little. The corner of my mouth twitched at her actions. "And I do understand. But _you_ have to understand why I did it. I didn't want to put you in that kind of situation. You have no idea how guilty I felt trying to keep it from you. I wanted so much to tell you…but I would make you unhappy. Maybe even helpless that you couldn't…. wouldn't," she added reluctantly, "do anything to help me." She paused and I noticed that Alice had left the room. "But that's beside the point. Edward I love you and never forget that. I never regretted a single moment with you, even those arguments about me whining about you not changing me." She smiled at the memory, triggering me to smile. Only faintly however.

I listened to her story from the beginning. From being diagnosed, her attempted suicide – which cut through me painfully – to her decision to moving to Forks. I was so grateful for Rene saving Bella from her death. All those times I referred to her number being up. I shook my head. What had gone through Bella's head during those moments? "Edward," She started again, "I'm so thankful that we found each other. Even though it caused us heartache…and maybe I'm selfish for saying that, but I'd relive it all again broken-hearted at the end," she paused for air "again and I'd be willing to die to relive the past again. I wish it wasn't like this." She had been strong through out the videotaping, but her voice cracked and she cried out a small muffled sob. I mirrored her actions. She let out shaky breath and continued. My strong Bella. "I nearly asked Alice to change me. But that was quickly pushed aside. I didn't want anyone to change me but you." Her eyes were so sad. Tears danced their way down her pale cheeks, pooling and then dropping down onto her chest. I watched in tortured silence.

"Don't you dare think that you failed me Mister." That's exactly what I was thinking. I did fail her. "Okay. Edward think of this as my dying wish. Actually it is." Her mood suddenly changed to demanding her face just daring me to challenger her. "Shed a few tears if you have to, but after that its chin up boy. You hear me?" she raised her eyebrow. She looked so damned beautiful. "Seriously Edward. _When_ you find someone who you can love with all your heart like you did me let her in. Don't think about me – in the past – think about your future with her. Be happy Edward. I love you so much. So much. I'll love you after I die. For eternity. Never think that you are alone. I'll be there watching over you until she comes along. I love you Edward." She finished on a whisper. And then she disappeared. The screen was blank.

"NOOO." I cried out. "Please no." Everyone in the house heard me. I knew it and I didn't care. I just lost the love of my whole entire (now) worthless life. She was crazy to think that there would be another. There would only be one love for me and that would be her. I had lost her forever. She would never come back. I thought I lost all feeling, but my heart began to clench painfully and my stomach churned and tensed. This was heartache I realised. Bella taught me so many emotions, brought out the human in me. Never had I thought that she would show me what heartache is. Alice glided into the room and tried to pry the video recorder from me. I refused snatching it away from her hands. "She wanted me to do this." She held out her hand my mind numb I complied only because Bella asked. She ejected the mini tape and crushed it in her hands. I stared open mouthed at her. Abruptly I had her by the throat against the wall my eyes midnight. Her feet dangled a good three feet collapsed under her as I released my hand from around her neck. "I'm sorry Alice."

"Edward I know your hurting." She whispered her hand clutching her neck.

"You have no idea." I snarled despite her trying to comfort me.

"Edward look," she exhaled suddenly very tired "She's still alive. She's hanging in there," she added.

_**Bella**_

Back in the deathbed and I'm feeling mighty tired, but I'm so scared to close my eyes. What if I would never open them again after I closed them and fall to sleep…forever. I wondered if I should have said 'Bye' to Charlie and Rene…would that be jinxing myself? Growing annoyed with myself I tried to push it all away into a little box in my already clouded mind. The breeze from the window blew over me making me feel a little refreshed as it cooled my skin. Suddenly uncomfortable, in attempt to roll over I only managed to move my head. I felt so, so weak and I was very, very afraid. The end was so close. I thought I had got past the terror that consumed me knowing that I was going to die…not in 50 years or a year but in a matter of days. I couldn't help it as tears welled up in my eyes. They weren't sad but angry ones. I was stronger than this. Just because I was dreadful in gym, tripped every third step over my own feet, and trouble found me around every corner that didn't mean that I could not be strong, emotionally that is. Frustrated and even angrier I shed more tears that oddly enough lulled me into sleep. I dreamt of Edward.

"Edward," I yelled after him, "wait up." He kept jogging lengthening the distance between us. His laughter travelled all the way back to me obviously amused by my feeble attempts to keep up with him. If looks could kill Edward would be dead…okay I guess that was just meaningless since he already was, but you get my point. Not impressed I stopped my attempts and stood rooted to the ground. Making myself known I voiced my thoughts. "Not impressed Cullen." I yelled heatedly. When he paused to turn around I made the best effort to look genuinely mad. Edward, the poor soul, looked genuinely puppy bashed. I instantly softened – knee jerk reaction. In my instant response he beamed triumphantly. "That's not fair. You're can't do that. It's against the rules." I accused. I heard him laugh again. "Humph" I started pouting again.

This next bit has to be imagined in slow motion because it only happened in a matter of seconds. Edward's melodic voice said my name a song note in the gentle forest breeze. I felt my hair picking up in the breeze. I observed Edward from a far and I noticed the subtle tilt of his nose as he smelt my scent, more potent, now that the breeze picked it up. Unconsciously he closed his eyes in obvious pleasure as the corners of his mouth tipped upwards. Involuntarily I shivered. With obvious pursuit he looked me right in the eye lust and love in his eyes. Trying to process what was happening I stood rooted to the spot very, very still. Closing the gap between us in a matter of mere seconds Edward ran to me. The forest canopy revealed little rays of light making his skin shimmer. The speed and the phenomenon of him looked he was trailed by fairy dust. Strong arms wound themselves around my waist and curled up behind my neck. Embarrassingly, a startled squeal passed my lips. He chuckled. Expectantly I tilted my head up to his and wasn't disappointed when he closed the gap. Light as butterfly wings our lips fleetingly met and I'm sure my bottom lip trembled. He looked at me anxiously and I knew what he worried about. "Don't worry. It started again." I joked referring to my - what he thought - fragile heart. Pleased he traced the outline of my lips with his fingertips. The cold and unbelievable blissful sensations it caused made my ticker stumble again. I parted them softly and the second I inhaled his lips crushed mine with immeasurable force full of lust and want. Of course I enjoyed every minute of it pouring everything I could into the act. Edward moaned, which could have at the moment easily have passed as a growl travelled inside vibrating my being. "Edward" I breathed surprised that in this current mind blowing situation my motor functions still worked. "I love you."

And then the dream took us into his bedroom with Edward and me in my bed. His hands cupped the sides of my face bringing his close he exhaled intoxicating me and leaving me temporarily disarmed. "Bella you'll never imagine how much I love you. You freed me, saved me, helped me in so many ways." He whispered softly into my ear. I wove my fingers through his thick bronze coloured hair loving the silky texture. Looking into my face once more he asked how he could repay me back. "Love isn't something that should be repaid Edward. It is something we give of our own free will – whether or not it will be taken greedily, equally or unrequitedly."

"You're doing it again." He sighed. I raised my eyebrows uncommitted instead I focussed on his bottom lip hungry for more. "Bella please tell me how I can give what you've given me." He pleaded. He almost sounded sad maybe even guilty.

"You're doing it right now. You love me; you protect me, staying with me even after it went against all odds. And there were _a lot_ of odds. Edward everyday you show me how to love you even more. You brighten up my own little world. There's just me and you. Edward please, we owe each other nothing." Finalising my point I soundly kissed him silently applauding myself for a speech well done. It was the easiest thing to every come out of my mouth; my love for Edward. Sometimes I wish he knew what I was thinking sometimes. "Sometimes I wish I knew what you were thinking too." Edward whispered dazed from our kiss. "What?" we looked at each other completely shocked.

Of course the dream stopped at the best bit…well up until then it was a 10 out of 10 rating…anyways you know what I mean. To say I was desperately wanting his touch would win the Bella Understatement of the Year Award, not that it meant much, but the sentiment was there. I noticed what woke me up was the pounding of rain on the roof. I smiled. I missed Forks. Mostly I missed Edward.

_**Alice**_

I hope I'm doing the right thing for both of them. My insides churned and my head ached. I wanted a fairytale ending and I wouldn't settle for anything less. I threw caution to the wind. I forgot about what I saw and acted on instinct, intuition and love for a brother and sister. I repeated what I had said not too sure if Edward had registered what I had revealed. Bella was still with us and I would do everything I possibly could to make it stay that way.

"Edward we have to leave now if we want to reach Bella in time?" I explained stating fact. He still hadn't moved from his spot. "EDWARD!" I screamed taking hold of his arm and yanking on it. Forgetting about luggage I dragged him into his car and headed for the airport. I had no idea what had come over him. Was it shock? Heartache? Maybe betrayal? Whatever it was he had to snap out of it otherwise Bella would be lost forever.

_Well I hope that whet your appetite. I know it's not as long as PART I, but I wanted to put something up since I hadn't last night. Hope you liked it. Remember take care!_


	3. PART III

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters nor do I own the plot from Stephenie Meyer's book "Twilight". I do not own the song "Too much of not Enough" from Silverchair. I do not own any of the following quotes:

1 Chapter 9. Theory, page 156, line 11

2 Chapter 10. Interrogations, page 184, line 31

3 Chapter 10. Interrogations, page 185, line 1

_Bella is suffering an illness, which she hides from Edward. Afraid that she will cause him too much grief she moves out to Florida with her mother. Edward thinks she will return in three weeks, but then he finds out why she really is in Florida and he is none too happy about it. E&B of course! _

**T_hank you to all my reviewers. You guys are a big encouragement and motivation._**

Hi guys,

I know this took like five days to get out and I'm really sorry. I've just been busy and hassled by preparing for university and other activities. Hopefully you'll forgive me with this chapter.

**TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH**

**BY A.K.A ETTIE**

_**Edward**_

I was oblivious to the outside world. I collapsed into myself, into my own little world where Bella was in the backseat chatting animatedly about school. No matter how hard I tried imagining Bella riding with us the ache in my heart did not cease. I had to let go. I had to stop fooling myself and I had to be strong. But I felt so very weak.

"Edward what are you thinking?" Alice asked. I didn't feel like an interrogation, but she was relentless to know as she kept repeating her question the volume getting louder and louder. She was angry. Usually I would understand, but at the moment I wasn't in an understanding mood. Heaving a sigh I jumbled together what words I could possibly identify with the pain I felt. "You want to know what I'm thinking?" Impatient I continued without an answer "I'm trying to measure the pain, agony, torture, frustration and sadness. I realize it's immeasurable. I wish she – Bella – told me. We promised to never keep secrets from each other. I kept my word, obviously she didn't keep hers." My words came out in quick harsh tones. I couldn't help but think back to when I drove Bella from that Italian restaurant in Port Angeles when Bella muttered, _"I thought we were all past the evasiveness1". _"I thought we were too." I whispered.

"Pardon?" Alice asked.

"Nothing." My voice was stern, "Why didn't I notice? Why didn't she TELL ME?" I was absolutely furious. I wanted to kick something, however I thought better. "She's dying and there's nothing I can do."

"That's a lie Edward and you know it. When we get to her mother's you can save her. The only reason that you won't be able to do anything is if you choose to do that - nothing. She wanted to be changed, yet you didn't want that. Do you still want that now?"

"Please Alice." I pleaded. Her eyes closed and I knew she was having a premonition. Her brows furrowed in concentration committing everything to memory. "Alice?" I whispered. I looked out the windshield making sure we weren't driving off the highway. She tensed and her knuckles turned white as her grip tightened on the steering wheel.

I didn't like what I was observing. I tried to wait patiently, but the last of my endurance was tethering on the edge. "She cares the most." Alice stated. I looked at her in confusion. "She's in her old bedroom. White curtains, blue bedspreads, book shelves." I looked at her scathingly. She sighed heavily.

"She's writing a letter. I only caught a glimpse. It said that she cared the most. Edward she's barely even there. When I meant she was writing a letter she was dictating it to her mother. She can hardly even speak." On the last word her voice broke unshed tears threatened to spill. I read her mind as I covered my face in my hands my head falling back onto the headrest. I was utterly drained feeling so lonely I could hardly imagine what my angel could be feeling. And for that I felt so helpless.

_**Bella**_

I wanted badly to talk to Edward, but I couldn't let him hear me in the shape I was in. My voice was shallow making it impossible to hear me from anywhere but up close. I stopped eating. I didn't see the point in it helping me in any way. Tonight I was going to say good-bye to Charlie and Renée…I guess Phil too. I would say another good-bye to Edward and his family as well. Renée helped me write a letter. She was very patient as I struggled for the strength to say the words. I remembered what we had argued about one time in the school cafeteria. I recalled the memory as Renée wrote it on paper. "I did have to make that decision, my number was already up before I met you. I guess it was true when you said that you were fighting fate to save me. I know-," I stopped pausing for composure. "Mum could we just stop for awhile I'm feeling dizzy all of a sudden."

"Of course Bella," Renée tried to mask the constant worry under a smile.

"Thanks." My eyes already closed I tried to focus on my breathing. It was a constant struggle to. I asked myself if I should have just given up already. Knowing that that wasn't me I persisted.

I dwelled upon the memory, which I had last said relating to the letter. I remembered how stubborn I was in the cafeteria. I would never in a million years if I hadn't been diagnosed say good-bye and good riddens to such a beautiful angel. That's what I had thought_. "Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it – if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."_

"_And you don't think I would do the same?"_

"_You'd never have to make the choice.2"_ I don't think it was a matter of who cared the most. It was just a decision that had to be made in a certain series or leading up to one particular event. I did do it and it was the right thing to do. I hurt myself. The feeling of pain incomprehensible that sometimes I really wished I did end my life back in Phoenix. But as the saying goes ''Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all' I was thankful that I was able to love someone with all of my being and for it to be returned. A parting gift you could say from someone above. I was philosophical. I chuckled at myself in my mind at the thought of it, of me being of all things.

I continued to think on it. I replayed what Edward had said _"If leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself…3"_ If leaving was the right thing to do shouldn't it make you happy? Happy that the one you love is safe. I guess that comes after the hurt, but I'll never know will I? I was bound to go in maybe a day or two. I always liked to be certain about something. To get down to the bottom of it…hadn't I done that with Edward? But this was one thing I did not want to get down to the bottom of – to be sure about dying. And then in some dimension in my mind I had imagined Edward coming to my side his lips to my neck sinking his teeth into the exposed flesh. That would never happen. Edward was one of those rare people to break their word. As ready as I was to go I wish that Edward had changed me during prom night.

_**Edward**_

Time was going so slow. We arrived at the airport in Seattle waiting for our plane to board. Usually time doesn't matter to me. To creatures - monsters like me time is nothing if you live forever. But it mattered so much to me at this moment and it mattered a lot to Bella. By the end of the ten hour flight I had no doubt that I would be bouncing off the walls. Not able to sit I paced trying to get it out of my system since I had to remain seated for ten hours. But I knew it wouldn't help. I watched as our flight slowly crept up the boarding flights board. After two excruciatingly long hours Alice and I boarded the plane.

We walked down the fuselage to the back of the plane. Hopefully the sound of the engine would drown out my thoughts. I let myself in first beside the window. I stared out at the bright red lights along the runway under the dark night sky. The plane started to reverse, lining up with the runway for take off. My eyes traveled to the streamlined wing of the plane as I watched and heard the hydraulics of the aerolons shift. I was always fascinated by the engineering side of planes. However, funnily enough I hated flying. I realized a number of people on this flight too shared my discomfort. For some strange reason that I couldn't explain I was slightly terrified of flying. I almost thought I had let my mind trail along with nonsense, but it traveled to Bella. She would laugh at my fear and then consciously try and comfort me. She would hold her hand in mine and the other would rest on my knee. I would put my arm around her and by reflex she would nestle deeper into my side resting her head into the crook of my shoulder. I could see her looking up at me a wide smile on her face. Maybe even say "Nothing to worry about." And then she would kiss the corner of my chin softly, slowly and I would sigh in contentment. Nothing would worry me then besides the obvious fact of looking after her. That would be her Lois Lane moment. I couldn't help but smile in my innocent fantasy. The engine roared as we picked up speed and suddenly we were off the ground heading to Jacksonville – to Bella.

_**Alice**_

My body tense I closed my eyes trying to loosen up. But it was too bizarre to even try in the current situation. You wouldn't be able to – 'loosen up' that is – if a person or _the_ person for Edward was going to be lost to the world because we could be too late to save her. I shuddered involuntary at the thought. Bella and I had become very close friends. She made me feel human. I don't know if it was because she was the first human I was ever around a lot or because she had this innate ability for the people she was around to feel alive or for us (vampires) human. I was leaning toward the latter. That was just Bella for you. Her sarcasm, humor, perceptiveness and kindness couldn't help but instantly suck you into liking her. You wouldn't want to change her like you do some people even if she was a magnet for trouble. I was interrupted from my train of thought. "Excuse me, would you like something to drink?" the flight attendant asked me. "We have orange and apple juice, water, Coke or Sprite."

"No, thank you." I said politely. Edward declined as well.

I closed my eyes again thinking it best to put off my questions for Edward as I'm sure he read my mind, he sighed. After ten hours I would be just short of a certified loony. I'm sure he predicted what I would be like after the flight and I felt sorry for Edward already. Staying in one spot for more than an hour had me on edge that's why I would always leave half way through lunch. I already felt restless and Edward could tell. He tried to prolong the silence between us by turning toward the window, ignoring me.

_**Bella**_

"Mum, Dad, Phil I'd like to say good-bye." With all the strength I could muster I uttered these words barely audible. "Don't you dare." I heard Charlie's voice. I couldn't open my eyes properly since I was too tired to. Through slits I saw Charlie mad with worry and also angry. My mother was crying silently clutching onto Phil. "Kiddo…don't say that…" Phil at a loss for words trailed off. Renée was suddenly beside me, gripping my hand tightly as her hand smoothed the hair way from my face. "Honey, Baby, Sweetheart please don't say that. Please don't." she sobbed and I felt so bad for causing that pain. I had no idea what it would be like to loose your own flesh and blood, but I was guessing it was similar to feeling the loss of a lifetime lover. "Mum, I'm sorry I really am. But I'm sick of waiting. I don't want to wait any longer. I just feel so…" I trailed off too weak to finish. "Bells?" I heard Charlie call but he seemed so far away. I tried to call out to him, but I couldn't. My lungs felt heavier than usual, more like they were made of lead than soft tissue. "Bella? BELLA!" Renée cried frantically I felt her shake me. I tried to move to give her some signal that I was still with them, but I was slowly giving in. I couldn't imagine anymore what Charlie or Renée would be doing as my mind went blank. However I fought to think of Edward. We shared our last embrace in my mind. We held each other, my hands around his neck and his arms around my waist. We kissed our last kiss and I savored every sensation that I felt. His cold lips, his intoxicating breath, his roaming hands on back. And then the finale. His devastatingly, boyish smile that left me impossibly more breathless. And then I let go. I was finally asleep…forever.

_**Alice**_

"_No,"_ I whispered. "No, no, no." I echoed as a numb feeling washed over me. I was shocked, yet the tears came freely. Edward turned to me.

_**Edward**_

"No. It's not true. She's not dead." But as I said it tears trailed down my face.

"I'm sorry Edward."

"IT'S NOT TRUE." I roared my teeth bared. I forgot I was on a plane. Passengers turned their heads in the direction of Alice and me. One of the flight attendants asked us to be quiet. "It's not true." I kept repeating my voice strained for composure. "Alice…please tell me it isn't true." My voice broke as I sobbed. I collapsed onto Alice for comfort. She hugged me like a sister would. "I'm so sorry Edward. Bella is gone." She whispered trying to convince the both of us. My body rocked with stifled sobs. Bella can't be gone. She can't be. We were so happy two weeks ago. We were laughing with each other, holding hands, saying 'I love you' and it was all over.

One minute ago I lost the _love_ of my life forever. The one thing that held no other _truer_ meaning in my life was gone. And it was my fault. _My fault_. I'm sorry Bella, but you'll never know that.

_Well I hoped you liked the last chapter of 'Too much is not Enough'. It was a pleasure writing it…jokes! As if I'd leave it there. That would be so horrible! Again I'm sorry it took so long to get PART III finished and posted. Please let me know what you think of this chapter and I hope you forgive me for the cliffie if it was really annoying! Stay tuned for PART IV of 'Too much is not Enough'._


	4. PART IV

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters nor do I own the plot from Stephenie Meyer's book "Twilight". I do not own the song "Too much of not Enough" from Silverchair.

_Bella is suffering an illness, which she hides from Edward. Afraid that she will cause him too much grief she moves out to Florida with her mother. Edward thinks she will return in three weeks, but then he finds out why she really is in Florida and he is none too happy about it. E&B of course! _

_**Hey guys,**_

_**I am so sorry that it has taken ages for me to write PART IV. Like really sorry. I'm already trying to procrastinate and uni only started yesterday. I've tried to make this a long chapter to try and make up for the wait. Thanks to all my reviewers and readers. There will probably be only a couple of parts left to this. And please remember that this is work of fiction so the way I have revived Bella is probably how it doesn't work in reality! So here is PART IV of 'Too much is not Enough'.**_

**TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH**

**BY A.K.A ETTIE**

_**Edward**_

I don't deserve this kind of comfort as I pushed myself out of Alice's arms. I hate myself. I truly and honestly hate myself. I thought back to the moment when I hated myself when I had yelled at Bella. After so many other arguments she still wouldn't give up the thought of me changing her.

"Why Edward? WHY? She was absolutely furious. I had never seen her, this emotionally charged, in an angry that way that is. "WHY?" I matched her, "I'm not going to damn you to this kind of life that I live - a life of living in the dark. An eternal HELL."

"Are you living in the dark now? Are you going through hell now? With me?" almost hurt her voice dropped.

"Of course not."

"And then when I die?" her voice rose angry again.

"Then I'll be in hell."

"I don't get it then." Her eyes held mine steadily, "It doesn't make sense to me."

"It doesn't have to. You just have to accept my decision."

"I'm not competent enough to make my own decisions for myself?"

"It's not that and you know it." We were both very frustrated. She angrily wiped at the tears that spilt over. I wanted to hold her, wipe the tears that I had caused, but I knew that my offer would not be taken kindly. "Why?" she asked pleadingly.

"Why? _Why? WHY?_ Why do you have to know? I've made my decision and that's final." I was beside myself and I needed to calm down. I inhaled unevenly. "You've been asking me this question since we first got together and four months later you still persist. Frankly, Bella it's driving me up the wall," I cringed at my harshness, "My first answer was no and my last answer is no." I realised that my hands were bunched up in fists, I unclenched them stopping as I realised the message Bella could be interpreting from it. The tears in her innocent deep brown eyes tugged at my heart. Bella was hurting and I was just making it worse. "Edward…m-maybe…," she shook her head. It was odd since she usually thought about what she would say before she said it. I waited for her to continue. "Edward," she began again steadier, "I don't understand and I won't accept it. I'm sorry."

"Argh." The rage quickly boiled in me again as I snarled. I thought she was going to give in.

My eyes unnaturally turned black. I saw Bella flinch, but my blood still boiled. Without remorse I pinned her up against the wall. "I'm sorry Bella, I am," I was gentle, but firm, "But you can't be by my side forever. No-one is going to change you. You are going to live the human life you're supposed to." I face was pained and I think she could tell the way her eyes held mine. I backed away realising she wasn't breathing. "Don't y-you see? I love you so much. I _need_ to be with you forever. I _need_ to touch you, care for you and comfort you. If you're worrying about the three days of pain it will be nothing compared to the reward I'll receive afterwards. I'll be with you for eternity. You won't let me do that?" her voice broke on her question. She was shaking slightly and I longed to comfort her. I couldn't answer her. After what she had revealed I was so tempted to go back on my decision. I was confused…again over the same matter that we had been arguing about for 5 months. "I can't do this at the moment. I'll be back later." I said softly. Suddenly her legs gave way has she put her head in her hands and sobbed. I absolutely loathed myself. I knelt down beside her stroking her back soothingly. She flinched, startled my hand shot back. "E-Edward just go. I'm sorry. Please just go." she was slumped brokenly against the wall. I couldn't believe how much I had hurt her. I didn't want to leave in the position she was in. "Please." She pleaded barely audible even to me.

"I'm so sorry. Please remember that I love Bella." I kissed her softly on her forehead relieved that she didn't recoil from the touch. I leapt out of her window and ran into the forest.

My fists clenched inputting my frustrations into the exertion of my first following through a tree. It splintered and fell into pieces and sharpened logs. No doubt the sound had echoed back to Bella. Which I'm sure held her no comfort. I tried to compose myself channelling my anger through running. I hoped she would forgive me. I didn't want us to leave on such bad terms. Bad memories. I would visit in a couple of days that would give us enough time to cool off. That would leave at least six days before she would leave for her mother's.

Unable to dissect my love from my thoughts I went to her window that night as she slept. She seemed restless. I caught a glimpse of her face in the moonlight. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks tear streaked and her nose pink. A light gleam of sweet covered her forehead. I was sick to my stomach. I had caused this. I might as well not come back to her after it was due to face her again. Suddenly she shot out of bed in the direction of the bathroom. I could her lurching sounds as she heaved up what her stomach could no longer hold. I was instantly at her side holding her hair away from her face as I rubbed her back. "I'm here Bella. Are you okay?" my voice soft not as to upset her senses.

It all made sense now. How she fell under herself – the weakness. And the way it took toll on her body. And I was the one who was speeding up the process of her inevitable death. Was I so ignorant of my own immortal-ness or by our love that I thought that we were immune to this kind of future? Never in my wildest thoughts think that Bella would be taken away from me when we had been together for only such a short time. We had five heaven sent months together. We would have had more if it weren't for me. I had good reason to feel the way I do about myself.

_**Alice**_

We landed and stumbled out of the gate. Our eyes were puffy and the colour under our eyes were more prominent. Like the dead we really are we moved through security slowly almost zombie like. We never made eye contact with anybody, not even with each other. "Where do we go now?" I whispered my lips moving quickly. "To Bella," Edward replied lifelessly "I need to see Bella," His heartache evident.

We moved through the humans quietly ignoring their stares at our solemn faces. A tear trickled down my cheek. Life was so unfair. Edward would never let himself laugh, smile or feel ever again. At least Bella had shown him that there was someone out there for him. But after so long she finally came only to be ripped from his life so suddenly.

_**Bella**_

I watched from a far as Charlie pumped my chest with his palms and tried to blow life into my lungs. "Don't you dare Bella. Don't you dare give up. Not yet." He sobbed.

"Charlie." Rene's strangled voice continued "It's over?" I think she meant it as a statement but came out as a question.

"NO. Don't say that," As Charlie continued to try to revive me. Suddenly from where I was standing I sucked in a quick breath of air and I was lying on the bed once again.

It was so black. I couldn't speak, but I could hear the frantic cries of joy and sadness of Rene and Charlie and the soothing words as Phil tried to calm them down. I felt Rene's hand on my chest as she felt it heave slightly in my efforts to breathe. I let my mind relax as I slipped back into my colourless dreams.

_**Edward**_

I knew where to go as I told the taxi, but I felt so lost. As I sat in the back of the taxi my mind wandered in the meadow that I had begun to share with Bella. I wandered lost there as I tried to find Bella. My insides twisted painfully and if I could I would probably vomit by the uneasy feeling. If I could sweat the perspiration would gather on my brow. I wasn't human and maybe that was why Bella and I had met. So I could save her, but it sounded all so wrong. I was desperately trying to find logical justification for a morbid thought. I shook my head trying to reset my mind.

Alice paid the taxi driver as I started to get out. She followed me. I lifted my knuckles to rap on the front door of Rene's house. I paused as my brows knotted in concentration. "Edward?" confused by my actions Alice looked at me. I sniffed the air. I saw at the far side of the house the curtains that flew out of an open window. The scent was floral, tantalising and so Bella. "Bella." I was so surprised. She was alive. Bella was alive. I quickly yanked the locked door knob open and charged through the house towards her room.

"Edward?" Alice called after me as she hurried to catch up.

"Bella?" Overcome with emotion I nearly yelled her name. I stopped abruptly at the door. I was very still. My eyes moved over Bella. She was so very still and lifelessly pale. I struggled down a sob as I continued to watch her. Why couldn't I walk over to her? I wouldn't my legs move?

"What the hell are you doing here?" My head shot towards Charlie. He was more confused than angry to see me. "I…I need Bella."

"Edward I'm afraid we've already lost Bella once. She won't be with us much longer." Rene tried to put up a brave front as she spoke to me.

"I know. That's why I'm here." I spoke again trying to control the emotion inside of me.

"B….but how?" she asked.

"You need to trust me." I didn't answer her question.

"With what?" Charlie asked. I looked at Charlie and Rene. I could tell Phil was very uncomfortable. "With Bella. You have to trust me that I can take care of Bella." I moved across the bedroom to Bella. I held her hand. It was so cold she was so much for fragile than before. I dropped to my knees bringing her hand to my cheek. Continually I kissed her as silent tears drew down my face.

"Please for Bella's sake you have to trust Edward." Alice pleaded with them.

"I trust you Edward. You mean the world to her." Rene said. I looked to Charlie for his confirmation. "I trust you." Charlie nodded although he did look a little uncertain. _Edward we have to give them some sort of explanation. I mean exposing ourselves…_ Alice trailed off in her thoughts. "I don't care." I said softly. I could tell that Alice was very uneasy and worried.

"Um…Charlie, Rene we'll explain everything later, you just have to trust us now. Okay?" Alice said.

"Look just tell me what you are going to do." Charlie demanded his temper rising.

"Charlie please. Bella trusts Edward and that's all that matters." Rene tried to disable his mood. "She's told me of the memories that you've made together and I know you would never hurt her intentionally. Can you bring our baby back to us?" Rene confided in me. I felt a little stronger. I nodded gravely. "It will hurt, but it will eventually fade away." Alice informed. I'm sure preparing to defuse the commotion that would happen once Bella would start to scream and twist in agony.

"Alice. I don't think I can do this. It seems so selfish." I broke down. I brought Bella's hand up with mine to cover my face. "Edward you have to be strong. Remember this is want Bella wants. To be with you forever. Think of all the arguments you two have had over this. She doesn't care what happens to her as long as she's with you forever. Don't you want to make new memories with her? Just think if you let her go now you'll never feel her arms around you as you'll never feel the way she would kiss you back." I drew in a shaky breath as I tried to wake Bella up. "Bella? Bella?" I brushed her hair back from her forehead and tucked it behind her ears. I saw her eye-lids twitch and her brows crease. "Edward?" she croaked.

"Bella, sweetheart I'm here."

"I don't understand."

"I need you, Bella. I know I'm selfish for thinking, saying this but it's not enough. It's not enough for forever. I can't relive the memories we've made for the rest of my life. I need you so much. I need you forever."

"What…are you…saying?" she was growing weak and it my shattered heart broke again.

"Please forgive me. I'm begging you. Forgive me for denying you this and for doing what I need to do. Will you be with me for eternity?" I pleaded.

"Yes." She whispered.

"Edward what do you mean?" Rene asked, but Phil had squeezed her arms reassuring her. I'm glad this stranger had faith in me. "I want to be with you Edward. We'll be together." She smiled faintly. "Don't give her false hopes." Charlie admonished.

"They aren't Dad." Bella's strained voice reached Charlie's ears "Please trust…"

"Edward you have to do this now." Alice told me quickly only understandable to our ears.

"Bella stay with me." I pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears. She was unconscious again.

I got up off my knees bending my head towards her neck. I held her head with one hand and her hand with the other. I kissed her neck softly. My tongue flicked out and slowly caressed the area I would taint. I kissed her softly again and I brushed my fingertips along her neck. Under my closed lids my eyes turned black and my canines lengthened as they pointed sharply. "Please forgive me." I whispered and I felt her skin tremble with goose bumps against my lips. Finally I bit into her soft delicate skin. Instantly the blood flooded my mouth and I licked it up. The screaming and yelling from her parents faded into the background as her blood filled into my mouth intoxicating my senses. It was pure bliss, ecstasy, she was heaven on earth, an incarnate of an angel and I was drinking her. Instantly I stopped guilty and horrified at myself. I kissed the wound I had made and fell to my knees. I continued to hold her hand bringing it to my forehead. I opened my eyes and I could see Rene terrified as she turned her face into Phil's embrace. I wiped at the blood that stained my lips with the back of my sleeve. "WHAT ARE YOU?" Charlie screamed at me. Alice forcefully held him back as he struggled to get at me. I didn't blame him. He stared at me as he watched my eyes fade into their normal colour. "What are you? What have you done to my girl?" he was almost slumping against Alice tiredly, but his voice was cutting. "Please you have to trust us." Alice pleaded again.

Suddenly yet expectantly I heard Bella scream. Her chest heaved upwards as she twisted. Muffled cries erupted from the back of her throat. "The fire! Someone stop the fire!" she screamed. I closed my eyes as I remembered the last the time she had said that. I had watched that scene a thousand times on the tape and when it replayed in my mind. "Edward?" her voice came clear through the pain.

"I'm right here. I'll never leave you ever again. I'll be here with you." I kissed her forehead.

_**Bella**_

His words comforted me, but the pain did not die nor fade in the least. It had actually grown worse. I could feel the burning sensation run down through my legs and melt into my toes. My head pounded as I could feel the sweat trickle down my neck following the pain. The flames ate away at my dying heart as it tried to pump the blood through my body. The fire blazed through my veins throbbing more as it continued through my pulses. I felt out of breath as my lungs burned inside of me. I screamed despite the torture in my lungs. Edward's cool hand came over my mouth. I desperately tried to breath through my nose. I made muffled noises as I tried to claw at my neck where I could feel the pain the most. I felt like I was going to implode. I searched around my bedroom my eyes wild undoubtedly. My eyes fell upon the people around the room. Rene looked desperately at me as she kept repeating my name. Was she afraid to come near me? Phil held her protectively. He watched me with shock and disbelief. Then there was Charlie slumped in a near by chair watching on helplessly. His eyes were wide with tears as his hands fisted his balding hair. Alice was beside him rubbing his back. She smiled sadly at me and Edward. Lastly I looked at him - Edward. His eyes held all the guilt and sorrow in the world. "Edward," I cried, "Please don't feel guilty. I want this. I still do. I love you." I gritted my teeth against the pain. "I'm sorry Bella. I can't help it." He choked on his words. Unable to contain the pain anymore I let it out through another scream. He clamped his hand against my mouth again. I understood why, as the neighbours would be wondering what all the screaming would be about so early in the morning.

_**Edward**_

I couldn't help myself as I climbed onto the bed behind Bella. I hugged her tightly as I rocked her. I kissed the top of her head when she gripped my arms tightly. "I love you too, Bella. I love you too." I said softly. I felt a spasm rip through her body and I held my hand over her mouth preparing to muffle another scream. She struggled against my body as I tried to keep her still to keep from harming herself. I could feel her nails dig into my skin trying to find an alternative outlet from her pain. The next three days were going to be hell for all of us.

_I hope you enjoyed PART IV. Ifnot and you want to leave a reply you can complain about it in there! I think I enjoyed writing this chapter the most out of the other three. Well until PART V (God knows when that'll be up) take care!_


	5. PART V i

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters nor do I own the plot from Stephenie Meyer's book "Twilight". I do not own the song "Too much of not Enough" from Silverchair.

_**Hey Guys,**_

_**I'm so very sorry PART V took so long to write. It's been like seven weeks since I updated and it's also been seven weeks of university hell. I'd gladly go back to high school! I hope you guys haven't lost interest in it. You guys can scream at me all you want in your reviews. By the way I love them all! It makes me feel guilty that I don't have time to update when I receive one. Oh and I've been keeping up-to-date with the Twilight Lexicon. Hopefully (that's a big hope) in the near future I can tweak the bits where like Edward cries and the kissing scene in the meadow in one of the earlier chapters I think it was PART I. You might notice that this is uploaded as PART V i. So you're in for a treat! PART V ii will be uploaded late tomorrow night. Well I hope you enjoy PART V i of 'Too much of not Enough'.**_

**TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH**

BY A.K.A ETTIE 

**Bella**

I felt the morning sun flicker across my skin as the curtains blew in the soft breeze, but my skin did not shimmer. I held tight onto Edward's arms that were still tight around me rocking me gently. Through my blurred vision I saw the white-diamonds on his skin. I rubbed my hands along his arms for warmth. "I'm cold." I muttered pathetically. Edward leaned over me to pull the covers up over me as Rene rushed out of the room for another quilt. "Do you need anything else honey?" Rene asked when she returned. I shook my head lightly sobbing at the pain.

**Alice**

"I think we should leave the room and I'll tell you what's happening and what we are." I thought it best that we leave Edward and Bella by themselves to get through this together. "Can't you do that in here?" Charlie asked slightly frustrated.

"I think its best that we give them time alone." For some reason I felt a little embarrassed or out of place as my voice got quieter at the end. I was the oldest here next to Edward I knew what was best. Charlie, Rene and Phil still hadn't moved from their places. "Look just do as I say." I said very out of character. They glanced at each other acknowledging the edge in my voice. They did what they were told looking back at Bella and Edward as they walked through Bella's bedroom door. "Thanks Alice." I heard Edward say.

"No problem."

**Bella**

I felt the fire beginning to grow worse; it was certainly more painful than the first experience. The flames kept licking up from the bottom of my toes to the top of my head. I grew weak as the pain overtook my consciousness, but not nearly as soon as I hoped it would. I suddenly hoped that my sanity would keep intact during the next three days. I remembered what Edward had said. I admitted to myself that bravery could lead to insanity. I wouldn't admit it to him however. I did not want to complain about something I so desperately wanted. Like I said before three days…piece of cake, bring on the pain. Yeah what a piece of cake it is. I was surprised that I was able to think comprehensively during all this pain. I think I just jinxed myself. "Oh my G-AH-" I was silenced by Edward's stone-like hand. Now the whole thinking process seemed too much as the pain seeped more forcefully through the insides of my body. I vaguely noticed the calls of Edward's pleas. I closed my eyes and clung to the hopes that I could wish away the pain, it didn't work of course. The pain was still there. "Oh Edward." A strangled cry came out.

**Alice**

"To put it simply Edward, myself and our family are vampires." Despite what they saw in Bella's bedroom they all recoiled. "Get out now." I heard Charlie scared and threatening at the same time. "You guys are insane. Nuts!"

"Please let me finish." I paused. After no one said anything I continued. "We are dangerous. But we all follow Carlisle's belief of abstinence. We don't hunt humans' only animals. We would never intentionally hurt a human that's not our way. Carlisle is more proof than anything of that." I paused again. Waiting for them to digest the information I informed them of. "We," I purposely avoided the word vampires, "have a venom that immobilises our prey. If we bite a human as Edward had Bella the venom intoxicates their bodies and the process begins from human to vampire. The transformation should take three days. The pain is normal. It's excruciating, but Bella is strong." Rene shook her head incredulous. "I don't know if I can accept all that."

"I know it's hard to believe, but you saw it with your own eyes." I explained.

"You guys are just some cult aren't you? Some sick twisted cult. I can't believe I thought Dr. Cullen was a good guy." Charlie accused seemingly feeling betrayed by his own feelings. I remained calm.

"No, no cult. Like I said it's hard to believe. We are as real as you are. We are unnatural however. We are dead, but walk the earth among the living. We resist but sometimes - and it hasn't happened in a long time - we slip." Charlie was still shaking his head.

"Charlie" I stared pointedly at him. "Have I ever made an advancement that has made you weary? Aren't I always genuine in how I treat you and Bella? I'd never inflict pain on any human being – innocent or guilty." I stopped to look at each one of them measuring their reactions. Phil unexpectedly took it in the best. I guessed he was a 'see it until you believe it' type of person. Rene looked confused and Charlie still looked quite angry. "Tell us more." He demanded.

"What would you like to know?" I asked softly, no need to get snappy at him.

"Tell us more about your kind." I searched for where to start surprisingly it was quite difficult. "Of course there are always two sides to each story. There are vampires that hunt humans without a conscious. You would be able to tell from their eyes. But they hardly come into Forks. If they pass through we tell them not to hunt, they usually don't." I shivered involuntary as I remembered James. "Usually don't?" Rene asked, her brows knotting together. I sighed struggling whether to tell them or not. I couldn't keep secrets away from Bella's parents that they deserved to know. "The reason Bella left Forks to go Phoenix and the reason she was in hospital wasn't because she fell. A vampire – not from our family – was drawn to Bella. He desired her blood very much. We tried everything we could. Jasper and me were protecting her. She got away because she thought you," I looked at Rene, "were being held hostage by James."

"You let that happen to Bella?" Rene accused and Charlie looked murderous.

**Bella**

I wanted to ask if Alice was okay, but my throat constricted and speech was impossible. Only strangled cries and screams struggled through. The pain wouldn't let me slip into unconsciousness. I felt rabid and I was convinced that if I weren't strong enough I would lapse into insane state of being. "Sing-" I meant to say, "Sing to me," but the words wouldn't come out. Edward understood as I heard his enchanting voice hum my lullaby. I tried to focus on his voice, on his touch, on his hands that held my hands from harming myself. The pain though prevented me. The pain and the inability to control my body made me so frustrated. Aggravated I gave a loud huff and tried to pound my clenched fists onto my thighs, but Edward kept me still. I heard his voice. It was soft and velvety to my ears. "Bella, know that I'll always be here. Know that I'll always love you, cherish and care for you. Forever. Do you understand?" He always knew what to say at exactly the right time. I nodded. My throat was inflamed, but I had to say it. "I love you Edward." He pressed his lips to my forehead and I relished the cold sensation I received. My body convulsed and involuntary contorted as the venom ripped through my veins continually and into my heart. It was constantly thumping heavily and quickly fighting the foreign substance. As it slowly subsided I sank into the hollow that Edward's body made. I shut my eyes tightly and bit my lip as I tried to strengthen my will against the powerful throbbing.

**Edward**

Bella is still here. Bella is still here. I repeated to myself. It was unbelievable, yet so real. She was in my arms and she was going to be with me forever. We would love each other for eternity. My mind reeled in absolute shock and amazement. Bella and I were going to love each other for forever. It was so real, yet somehow unfathomable. I gently combed my hand through her hair. It was damp with perspiration. I brought it to one side and blew gently on the back of her neck hoping it would be some relief to the pain. We would make it through the three days. No matter what negative force would come I would be with Bella through the next three days and forever.

"YOU ARE OUT! You and Alice. Stay the hell away from us. Move out of Forks permanently. I thought Billy was losing his mind, but it was all TRUE." Charlie burst through the door yelling. He pointed accusing fingers at Alice and me. Rene, Phil and Alice followed after Charlie. "GET OUT!" his face was red and livid. There wasn't much to say on my part. I read his mind and no negotiation was possible. "I understand Charlie. I'm sorry." I got up slowly off the bed taking Bella into my arms. "But I'm taking Bella with me." I was so very serious.

**Bella**

What? Huh? What was happening? "Bella is staying here." I heard Charlie sound through gritted teeth. He was either very angry and determined or just stupid standing up against Edward. "Dad? Edward?" I was so confused. The pain was growing again ready to take another swift blow to my vulnerable body. "Bella your father wants Alice and me to go." Edward said softly in my ear. "No," my voice cracked with sobs, "No" I repeated. I clung tighter onto Edward. "Don't leave me. Dad please you can't do this."

"Bella I'm only doing what is best for you. You're involved with very dangerous people." Charlie replied somewhat calmly. "I know that, but they love me. They care for me. They don't hurt anyone." I struggled through the pain trying to sound comprehensive. Tears were running down my cheeks as I faced Charlie. Edward 'shh'-ed me and pressed his lips to my forehead. "I'm sorry Bella. You may think that, but they don't." Charlie pressed on. "NO. That's not true." I was getting angry and the pain started to beat me again and I let out a pained scream. "See Bella that's what I mean. Look what they've done to you. And what really happened in Phoenix." I struggled for breath as I tried to make Charlie see reason. "You don't understand."

"Neither do you Bella. Look I'm your father and you'll do as I tell you." He resorted to the ugly. I shook my head. "I'm sorry Dad, Mum."

Edward took the cue to leave. He made to step out of the room. "What do you think you're doing with my daughter?" Charlie began to raise his voice again. Through my blurred vision I saw Edward's stare burn straight into Charlie's. However Charlie never backed down. "Bella is staying." He made to take me from Edward. I freaked as I tried to strengthen my hold on Edward's shirtfront. I knew though that he would never give me up. I started to sob uncontrollably. I could hear Rene cry as well. "Charlie please." Alice's plea fell on deaf ears.

"She's staying where she belongs." He started to grab at me.

"Touch her one more time…" Edward let his threat trail, as his eyes said what he hadn't. Charlie didn't relinquish his drive to keep me. Edward tried to fend off Charlie without hurting me. "Get away from her." I heard Edward say menacingly. It would have been simple for him if I hadn't been so fragile. My heart started to beat faster and faster, each thump more painfully than the next. My breath quickened as I started to hyperventilate. "Stop, please. I love Edward." I tried to wheeze between my shortened breath and sobs. And then I could feel something so much more badly than the pain I had been succumbed too.

**Edward**

"Bella? Bella what's wrong?" My attention came back to Bella. I could feel something was wrong. "ARRHHHHHH" her scream subsided into a sickening gurgling noise. Blood trickled out over her pale lips and over her porcelain skin.

**Alice**

"BELLA." I heard Alice scream.

"OH MY GOD." I heard Rene scream coming over towards me as Edward placed Bella back on the bed. "What have you done?" Charlie sobbed looking at Bella coughing up her own blood. "What have you done?" He said slowly more controlled. I saw out of the corner of my eye Phil standing there still as stone eyes wide over what was happening.

**Edward**

"Bella, Bella," I sobbed tearlessly, "Bella what's wrong?" But she couldn't hear me. Her glassy eyes were staring into mine worryingly. They closed unconsciously against the obvious pain. I held her head and chest above the rest of her body. "Bella you have to swallow the blood." Alice was at her other side. Bella's body was unresponsive to our pleas. I watched as Bella's body contorted with violent seizers. My eyes glanced over the wound on her neck. "Oh my God Bella." I choked. The bite mark started to bleed profusely, when it shouldn't be. "Alice her neck is bleeding."

"I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's wrong." She whimpered. She smoothed back Bella hair and took her hand. I noticed that her heartbeat was unnaturally too fast even for the ill or people in shock. I didn't understand anything of what was happening. All I knew what that the one I love was in too much pain for her to bear. Was Bella too weak before the transformation? Or was her body just too weak in general to take the transformation? Something was terribly wrong. I was near insane with worry, grief and guilt the only thing keeping me on Earth was Bella's need of saving. I had no idea what else to do, but call Carlisle.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket while holding Bella up with the other. I dialled Carlisle's number and waited impatiently for him to answer. "Hurry up pick up, pick up." I screamed hysterically.

_Hope you liked it. Now you'll have to wait for PART V ii, which will be out late tomorrow nite. Any and all reviews welcomed. Take care._


	6. PART V ii

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters nor do I own the plot from Stephenie Meyer's book "Twilight". I do not own the song "Too much of not Enough" from Silverchair.

_**Hey Guys,**_

**_This is definitely not as long as the other parts, but its something to get over the suspense. And I assure you it's nothing big! I've probably disappointed you all. I didn't have time to proof read, cause I was running late on the deadline! I'm gonna go and try and think of some crazy events that can happen to make it more interesting. I'll catch you guys later. Thanks heaps._**

**_Note: You seemed confused by the end. I understand I wasn't very clear on the subject if Bella was a vampire yet or not. I've added a couple of lines on the last Edward POV before the Flashback(which I have labelled.) I've also added a couple of lines to the end of the last paragraph to make itclear that the Flashback is over.It's just me being weird butI don't fancy putting 'End Flashback.'Sorry for that, and thanks for pointing it out. Itimproves the fic.:D_**

**TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH**

**BY A.K.A ETTIE**

**Edward**

My hysterics continued into dry sobs as Carlisle took forever answering his phone. We didn't have forever. "Hi Edward. How's Jacksonville?" Carlisle answered. I spoke as fast as I could. "Not good. Look I bit Bella. It's about two hours into the transformation, but something is wrong. She's coughing up blood, she's having seizers, her heart is pounding really fast and the bite wound is bleeding. And she has cancer." I tried to keep it brief but the information imperative. I was thankful that Carlisle would instantly go into analytical methodical doctor mode. "It's not the cancer." Carlisle paused for a moment.

"What is it then?"

"You'll have to bit her again."

"What?" I raised my voice.

"Bella is rejecting the venom. Her body is too strong against it. It's fighting against it."

"Are you sure?"

"Edward," he sounded offended, "Bite her again and try not to drink so much blood." I understood. I handed the phone to Alice who looked stricken.

**Alice**

"C-Carlisle?" I stuttered yet my speech was fast, "I'm seeing so many problems and the outcomes…."

"It's going to be okay Alice." He replied soothingly. I wish it was, but I didn't know which vision to believe. I saw Edward bare his teeth as his mouth came to Bella's neck. "You can't. She'll die. I saw it." He paused. "Alice your visions are subjective. You can't be sure." Carlisle replied. Edward heard what he had said. "Alice what else are we going to do?" his voiced was pained. I could only imagine how hard this could be for him. I sighed and nodded shakily. "Okay." I hoped and prayed that my vision would not come true. In my vision Bella would die only minutes after Edward bite her. Please no.

**Edward**

I don't have time for this. Bella doesn't have any time for this. I almost snarled at Alice for wasting time. My mouth hovered over Bella's neck once more. I closed my eyes preparing myself again for this brutal torture. My teeth sunk into her neck again; deeper this time in hope that the venom would be more potent. I'm sorry Bella. Blood oozed into my mouth and I fought so hard not to swallow. She would lose too much blood if I became greedy and drained what little blood she had left. I heard Alice restrain the three people left in the room.

I felt a difference in Bella's reactions. She wasn't coughing up any more blood and her seizures calmed into light shaking as if she were shivering. I removed myself from her neck and looked into her face. "Bella?" I whispered, "Bella?" I said more loudly.

"Mmm. Edwa…" her beautifully pained voice reached my sensitive ears. I smiled briefly cradling her head with my hands pulling her into my arms. I wanted to yell and scream at her for scaring me like that, for nearly dying on me; but I felt so grateful that we had been given one too many chances so save such a precious life: Bella's.

I didn't pay any attention to Charlie or the others. I didn't care if Carlisle was distressed wanting to know Bella's condition. (It couldn't have been half or a third of what I was feeling.) Alice would handle them. I just wanted to be by Bella's side. I didn't want any distractions. I would always be there caring for her. She seemed to be very peaceful. It wasn't normal, but then again what is about Bella? I thought I knew what was going to happen. Three days of excruciating pain – now I didn't know what to expect. Was the transformation going to start all over again? Heaven forbid was it going to take a week until the change? As much as I wanted to obsess about it, I had to think of something else before I would go insane.

_**Flashback**_

"Edward you have got to be kidding?" Bella said with a mixture of emotions. I hadn't noticed what she had put into the stereo system until I heard the beat. If I still had the ability to grow bright red I would have. Instead I feigned indifferent. I shuddered internally thinking why I had bought such an album. Bella erupted into fits of wild laughter. "Oh my goodness Edward. You have impeccable taste." She teased between frenzied giggles. I promptly walked toward the stereo to turn it off. "No Edward! Let it play." She clutched her sides. I stood beside her by the stereo. She fell to her knees and clung to my leg for support. She was still laughing. This must be the highlight of her day. I heard the rest of the family laugh. "I think that's enough." I switched the C.D. for something that wouldn't inspire another round of giggles. "Kill joy." She lay on the floor gasping for breath. I stared at her beauty. "Edward, are you mad at me?" I smiled at the sight. It continued to play on my face as I continued to stare at her. I kept silent and shook my head 'no'. She held out her arms like a child waiting to be hugged. I complied as I lay next to her bringing her head to my chest. "Don't ask me why I bought that."

"I'm very curious…but I won't." she said after a while. I was glad. I laid her back down and hovered over her leaning on my elbow. I set my other hand on her stomach. I caressed it lightly through her cotton shirt. She closed her eyes briefly. She raised her hand and traced the outside of my jaw resting it on the back of my neck. I let myself be guided to her as her hand brought me down to her face. Our lips met in a chaste kiss. It continued while my hand crept up to her face. I felt wetness. "Bella?" I pulled away. Tears were falling from the sides of her brown eyes. "It's nothing," she paused, "I love you so much Edward. So much. I never want to lose you. Stay with me." I was shocked and it showed. "Bella," I whispered my breath intoxicating her senses. "I love you. I love you." I repeated. I pulled her to me as I sat up. I rocked her gently.

I never said what she really needed to hear that day. She knew that I loved her. Loved her to a point beyond of blindness. She needed to hear that I would always be there; that I would never leave her. But I couldn't say that then and it sickened me. I couldn't say what she needed the most as she slowly died in my arms that day. I held her closer and tighter towards my body in some effort of an apology. I prayed and hoped this was going to be a quick and relatively painless transformation.

_The suspense if over! But what else is install for Bella? I have no idea! By the way the song I was thinking of was 'Booty Man' by Tim Wilson. It's a seventies song, but I'm sure he's a comedian. I'm pretty sure this song was just a gag recorded recently. I found it on Well until next time, this unfortunately could be another seven weeks. (Uni starts again this Monday) Take care._


	7. PART VI PREVIEW

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters nor do I own the plot from Stephenie Meyer's book "Twilight". I do not own the song "Too much of not Enough" from Silverchair.

_**Hey guys,**_

**_I felt bad for not updating for so long so here's a preview of Part VI._**

**TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH**

**BY A.K.A ETTIE**

**Bella**

My senses were demanding that all my attention be focused on the pain. I knew that one hundred years from now I would still be able to remember the pain as vivid as it was now. I knew I was slipping away. I was unashamedly terrified as I teetered on the edge of the afterlife and earth. Although I didn't have to worry I knew Edward would save me as he had done countless of times before. But I mentally and most likely physically recoiled as I felt his teeth rip into my skin again. I could feel my heart sputter, beating irregularly and naturally I tried to breathe harder and faster for more air. And damn it I could feel the tingling like sharp needles I usually got before another round of convulsions would take place. I nearly (the key word being nearly) felt like gouging out Edward's beautiful topaz eyes out of his flawless face for agreeing to my transformation. Instead I screamed.

**Edward**

I braced us both as Bella's body shook with another bout of spasms. In another mind I vaguely remembered how I should be giving her as much space as possible during a seizure instead of holding her close. But I couldn't help it.

I watched her face as her features became more angular making her cheekbones more prominent. Her lips, beautiful and full as they were stayed the same. I watched as the shine glowed through her hair. At the same time her skin paled considerably becoming cold and hard. I ran my fingertips across her eyelids that were now stained lavender. Her muscles toned visibly as she withered still in pain becoming stronger as she struggled against me.

Her screams began to dull, but they still had enough volume to make me cover her mouth. I could feel her heart sputter, giving up the battle. I hugged her close and closed my eyes waiting for the final stretch of the transformation.

**Bella**

I could feel the end was near…of my transformation I mean…I hoped so anyways. Through my last round of seizures I could feel my body change. Through the fiery sensation I somehow felt Edward's cold body lean against mine. I tried to indulge in it, but failed. I clutched onto his arm tightly with a little more strength than humanly possible. Slowly I felt the last beats of my heart. I let out a guttural scream of agony and it died when my final breath left my body.

**Edward**

After the harsh scream that pierced my ears, she fell quiet. Her eyes closed and her body limp in exhaustion. I called out her name hoping for a response.

**Bella**

I heard my name being called from my angel. Desperation and anxiety laced his voice. Slowly I opened my eyes looking up into his. "Edward?" I whispered. I heard him sigh in relief. He pulled me hastily against his cold chest…no he wasn't cold…he was just…neutral. It was an odd feeling; something among other things that I now had to get used to. In Edward's embrace I could feel it so differently with my now heightened sensitivity. That's when I thought 'Thank goodness. It's all over now,' apparently not, because a sudden wave nausea hit me right after that thought.

There were a million different voices in my head - yelling, screaming, talking and a jumbled mess of images popped into my head of people I didn't even recognise. I wanted out and now. Exhausted from the nearly three days of torture I now had to put up with whatever I was suffering from now. And I thought life was going to be one major high after the transformation. "Edward? Edward get them out of my head." My voice was strangled with tearless sobs. The pain sharpened right above my eyes as the voices and images continued to drilled into my skull. Instead of thrashing about during my transformation I was paralysed in pain. "Bella?" I heard Edward call, "Get what out Bella?" I heard the unmasked worry in his voice.

"The voices," I paused to groan, "The visions." I clutched my head in my hands. What was wrong with me?

**Edward**

I already knew what she wanted because I couldn't hear the voices in _my_ mind anymore; and I was nearly sure that Alice if called upon right now would not be able to see anything in the future.

_Thanks for reading. :D_


	8. PART VI THE WHOLE PART

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters nor do I own the plot from Stephenie Meyer's book "Twilight". I do not own the song "Too much of not Enough" from Silverchair.

_**Hey guys,**_

_**Well, you got the preview last night now you have the full version! I hope you enjoy it. If you don't read the preview over again I've separated the preview from the rest with a line. I've been thinking of another Twilight fic over in my head, but that won't be in the workings until a long while. I might write a summary of it in my profile. Anyways on with PART VI!**_

**_I'm sorry it's late, but I was so tired after karate. My apologies. Oh and thanks to my music for helping me write especially the Artic Monkey's, End of Fashion and Sarah McLachlan's 'I love you' you should definitely listen to it. _**

**_I just want to thank MJ Cullen for letting me know that if you reviewed for Part VI Preview and tried to post again for Part VI (the whole part) that it wouldn't work. ('Cause I deleted the preview and replaced it with the whole part.) Hence why this is Chapter eight. Sorry if I got your hopes up that there actually was Part VIII -- if that is the roman numeral for 8!_**

**TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH**

**BY A.K.A ETTIE**

**Bella**

My senses were demanding that all my attention be focused on the pain. I knew that one hundred years from now I would still be able to remember the pain as vivid as it was now. I knew I was slipping away. I was unashamedly terrified as I teetered on the edge of the afterlife and earth. Although I didn't have to worry I knew Edward would save me as he had done countless of times before. But I mentally and most likely physically recoiled as I felt his teeth rip into my skin again. I could feel my heart sputter, beating irregularly and naturally I tried to breathe harder and faster for more air. And damn it I could feel the tingling like sharp needles I usually got before another round of convulsions would take place. I nearly (the key word being nearly) felt like gouging out Edward's beautiful topaz eyes out of his flawless face for agreeing to my transformation. Instead I screamed.

**Edward**

I braced us both as Bella's body shook with another bout of spasms. In another mind I vaguely remembered how I should be giving her as much space as possible during a seizure instead of holding her close. But I couldn't help it.

I watched her face as her features became more angular making her cheekbones more prominent. Her lips, beautiful and full as they were stayed the same. I watched as the shine glowed through her hair. At the same time her skin paled considerably becoming cold and hard. I ran my fingertips across her eyelids that were now stained lavender. Her muscles toned visibly as she withered still in pain becoming stronger as she struggled against me.

Her screams began to dull, but they still had enough volume to make me cover her mouth. I could feel her heart sputter, giving up the battle. I hugged her close and closed my eyes waiting for the final stretch of the transformation.

**Bella**

I could feel the end was near…of my transformation I mean…I hoped so anyways. Through my last round of seizures I could feel my body change. Through the fiery sensation I somehow felt Edward's cold body lean against mine. I tried to indulge in it, but failed. I clutched onto his arm tightly with a little more strength than humanly possible. Slowly I felt the last beats of my heart. I let out a guttural scream of agony and it died when my final breath left my body.

**Edward**

After the harsh scream that pierced my ears, she fell quiet. Her eyes closed and her body limp in exhaustion. I called out her name hoping for a response.

**Bella**

I heard my name being called from my angel. Desperation and anxiety laced his voice. Slowly I opened my eyes looking up into his. "Edward?" I whispered. I heard him sigh in relief. He pulled me hastily against his cold chest…no he wasn't cold…he was just…neutral. It was an odd feeling; something among other things that I now had to get used to. In Edward's embrace I could feel it so differently with my now heightened sensitivity. That's when I thought 'Thank goodness. It's all over now,' apparently not, because a sudden wave nausea hit me right after that thought.

There were a million different voices in my head - yelling, screaming, talking and a jumbled mess of images popped into my head of people I didn't even recognise. I wanted out and now. Exhausted from the nearly three days of torture I now had to put up with whatever I was suffering from now. And I thought life was going to be one major high after the transformation. "Edward? Edward get them out of my head." My voice was strangled with tearless sobs. The pain sharpened right above my eyes as the voices and images continued to drilled into my skull. Instead of thrashing about during my transformation I was paralysed in pain. "Bella?" I heard Edward call, "Get what out Bella?" I heard the unmasked worry in his voice.

"The voices," I paused to groan, "The visions." I clutched my head in my hands. What was wrong with me?

**Edward**

I already knew what she wanted because I couldn't hear the voices in _my_ mind anymore; and I was nearly sure that Alice if called upon right now would not be able to see anything in the future.

--------------------------------------- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- ----------------------------------------

**Alice**

I rushed through the door after Edward called for me. Bella's parents and Phil were right behind me hoping for good news, but there wasn't any to share at the moment…besides the fact that Bella survived the transformation. Despite that her current state was nothing to celebrate. She was in a tangled mess in her bed sheets with Edward stroking her hair. Edward looked distraught – helpless and desperate. "Edward what's wrong?" I asked. I so wanted to wrap my arms around Bella in a fierce hug, but I settled with patting her shoulder. "I think Bella's gift has taken ours. Try and see how the weather will be tomorrow or something." I did as he asked. I concentrated. I could feel the confusion on my face as my eyebrows knitted. I couldn't see _anything_. I didn't like it, it felt very disconcerting. "I can't." I was breathless with shock.

"I can't read anyone's mind either." Edward looked at me questioningly.

**Bella**

"Bella, try to concentrate on one thing." I heard Alice. Concentrate on the intense searing pain, how about that? "Focus on one vision or voice. Single something out from the rest." Edward elaborated. Slowly I tried to filter out one vision. It seemed easier than focusing on the noise. Gradually the voices ebbed away like a dull murmur. I concentrated harder on the one vision I picked out. It was of Edward and me getting married under a huge old oak tree in a large green garden. That was something to look forward to. I smiled faintly through the pain. Once I got through that it I began to follow what little intuition I had. I just knew what to do then. I just let go of them – the visions and voices. I didn't hang onto them with my mind's eye as hard to absorb their gifts. I couldn't hear or see anything then. "There gone." I smiled wide.

"I still can't hear anything."

"I can't see anything either." I glared at them both. This was not fair. I took a deep unnecessary breath closing my eyes again. Okay I can do this…but what exactly? "I don't know what to do now. I've let go of them." I wondered to myself. I searched my mind and found an imaginary thread slowly I pulled the strings that made it up. It snapped and I actually felt liberated of their powers. Their powers were side-benched or something like that – just a theory. "You did it." Edward said in relief. I looked up at him and something I had experienced before renewed inside of me hundredly gazillionly fold – lust and love. Edward looked handsomely dishevelled with his hair askew and his black eyes smouldering did amazing things to my insides.

I quickly reached up meeting his lips. I could feel him stiffen in surprise. Once he had forgotten about the initial surprise he promptly returned my kisses. We relished in the joy of not having to hold back. I was able to run my hands through his bronze curled hair. I smiled into the kiss. Then we heard a very loud cough and it distinctly came from Charlie. Uh oh. Vampire or not he was still my father. I grimaced and pushed myself off of Edward, but he wouldn't let go of my hand. I guess I could permit him that much. "Sorry," I said, but then smiled goofily "No more turning bright red. What a relief!" I squealed uncharacteristically. "Hmmm." A neutral, safe response came from Edward.

"Bella what's with your eyes? Their red." Rene asked worryingly. I turned to Alice and Edward questioningly. "Their what? Why are they red?" I asked in high-pitched panic.

"It's just because you're a 'new born'. The human blood in your system is being used by your body. It's just like how 'other' vampires are." There was a hidden message in Alice's edited last sentence, which I interpreted as how 'cannibal' vampire's eyes are also red. I was a bit disturbed that my eyes were red, but Edward assured me that the colour would quickly fade once I began hunting animals. "Good," I sighed in relief.

**Edward**

"Bella?" Rene asked timidly.

"Mum." Bella smiled hugely. She got up and walked quickly to her mother to give her a hug, but stopped dead in her tracks. "Um…maybe that isn't such a good idea at the moment." Bella's mother looked heartbroken. "It's my fault. I'm just thirsty and…" I immediately understood. "You have to understand that new vampires have to feed often. And that she has to control her…" I tried to find the right word, "instincts."

"I don't understand." Charlie said.

"He means that – and he's right – that I can smell your blood and it's very appetising." Bella interjected resignedly before I could speak. I looked at her a little worried of her parent's and Phil's reactions. Charlie and Phil stood there shocked and Rene flinched and stood back a little into Phil. "Mum," Bella sounded so sad, "Please…please don't be frightened. I wouldn't dream of hurting you. Please don't be repulsed by me."

"No, Bella honey. Sweetheart I'm sorry. I didn't mean too. I was just very shocked." Rene stepped up to Bella and threw her arms around her daughter. I could see the internal struggle inside Bella and the concentration on her face to not try to crush her mother and also fighting temptation. "I'm sorry mum, but I'm feeling really uncomfortable. It's just very hard." Bella said just beyond a whisper, "Do you understand?" Rene nodded with a motherly smile. "I'm sorry, but I should take Bella out hunting."

Bella smiled at Phil and then moved onto Charlie. He did something that was very out of character. He kissed the top of Bella's head and laid his hand on her shoulder. I could see that nothing had changed between father and daughter and I was grateful to Charlie. "We'll be back before the sun comes up." I informed them.

"Alice are you coming?" Bella looked hopeful. Alice smiled and nodded.

"After this." Alice said with a large smile plastered on her face. She ran to Bella - who looked alarmed - and threw her arms around her tightly. "I've been meaning to do that." She whispered. Bella, I and Charlie laughed. Alice took her by the shoulders and looked into Bella's face and smiling faintly now and she said softly, "Finally Bella."

I led Bella out the door with my hand on the small of her back. I didn't want to get too close encase my 'thoughts' would get the better of me. Once we were out in the humid air I took lead. I didn't know of many wild animals in Florida or where I would find any. Actually come to think of it, there wasn't anything 'filling' in Florida. There weren't even any wild canines. I stopped short. "Bella, there's nothing here to feed on."

"Oh." I could see the slight disappointment on her face. I went over to hug her. We were out on the streets. "Edward, how did you do it? How could you be around me and not do anything?" she said shakily.

"It takes time and practice Bella. Don't worry. You're doing very well. Extremely well." I kissed the top of her head in reassurance. "First thing tomorrow morning we'll get your mother or Charlie to go to the butchers." I felt her nod against my chest.

"Do you want to go back?"

"No."

"Guys, I'm going to give you some time alone. I want to talk with Jasper." You could tell that she missed him. And I think Jasper would be a little anxious without Alice with him at school. "Thank you Alice." Bella replied full of sincerity.

**Bella**

We continued walking down the pathway. Edward had me securely around the waist. I sunk into his side relishing how good it felt after one painfully long week without him. "Edward."

"Hmm?"

"I'm a vampire."

"Yes, I know."

"We're going to be together forever." It almost sounded like a question.

"Of course, Bella." He stopped and leant down to kiss me like we did in my bedroom. "This feels so good." Edward's voice was raspy. I had another silly smile on my face.

"I can attack all I want now!" He laughed loudly at me.

"Please do." He said softly after his laughing quietened. I stood there embarrassed. He chuckled. "I guess your blushing."

"I'm sorry you can't see that anymore." He shook his head.

"Never be sorry about things you can't control because of what you are now. But I am selfishly happy that you are what you are now." He kissed me softly.

"Me too," I agreed.

When we broke away I could see his mood had shifted again. He wore his face in which I knew was not in my best interest. "But the reason why I had to do it is another matter." He said sternly. I gulped. I wish we could just forget about it, but it was unavoidable. "Did you watch the video?" I asked in a small voice. He nodded. He instantly became rigid and his jaw set. He took my hands and turned them upwards, even though he would never see those scars again. "You said it was an accident." I had told him it was an accident in my first year of middle school – a freak accident in manual arts. Who could deny that when concerning me? "I'm sorry, but I already felt so inadequate almost laughable at that I had been so weak that I wasn't strong enough. I didn't think I could admit it to you - you the perfect God and me the trouble prone reject. I know I should have, but, but" I looked around frantically searching for anything, but his face.

"Bella. I have to admit that I was hurt that you didn't tell me the truth. That you hid your illness from me, but I kind of understand." Did he always know what to say? "A little bit." He repeated.

"But from now on no secrets please?" he almost begged me.

"I pro-" I was about to promise, but then an odd sensation came over me.

_Well that's it. I'm going to start the next part tomorrow night after work. Sorry if there are mistakes. I didn't have time to proof read because I'm in a hurry. I'll catch you guys next time. Thanks for reading. :D_


	9. SORRY!

To all of my Lovely Reviewers,

I sincerely apologise for not updating in so long when I said I would. As most of you know I'm not happy with what I've written for the next part. I kept thinking about it and not knowing a way to go about it. I've been feeling on edge and feeling awful that I haven't updated because you guys are so supportive. I haven't had so many reviews for any of my fan fics. I'm really sorry for breaking my promise.

At the moment I'm doing a University placement so I'm quite busy. But I'll be working on it bit by bit each night next week. I'm so sorry again if I've been pissing you guys off and if you're annoyed at me which is totally understandable. Again sorry that you've seen me update, and seen that it's a crappy Authors Note instead of a chapter update.

Take care.

a.k.a ettie. (Rhon)


	10. PART VII

_**Howdy, AN at the end.**_

**'TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH'  
by a.k.a ettie.**

**Edward**

"Bella?" She stopped mid-word and her face turned blank.  
"I'm sorry. Of course I promise, E-." she stopped again, "It's happening again. I can feel that they are so far away, but I have their powers"  
"Who's 'they' Bella?"

"Vampires," At the moment I really didn't want to be bothering with any vampires.

Suddenly something began to happen to Bella. First she shape-shifted into me, then into Charlie, back to herself and again into me; my hair colour turned blonde and my eyes green; and then I began to scream – I mean Bella who looked like me and covered her eyes like she was being attacked and spun away from me. It was more than disturbing. "Oh God. Edward I am so so so sooooooooo sorry." She spoke as fast as a vampire possibly could. It was really uncomfortable that she had my voice also. "What's wrong"  
"What do you mean 'what's wrong', can't you see what's wrong?" she said sarcastically in high-pitched panic. I had to admit it was a stupid question. "Okay, why then are you sorry?" I could tell she hesitated. "Bella?" I encouraged.  
"Um, maybe I should keep that a secret." She said timidly.

"You just promised that we wouldn't keep any secrets between us." I countered. She noticeably sighed as her shoulders shrugged.

"I have this like x-ray vision. Let's just say this gift has levels"  
"I don't understand." I confessed honestly. She sighed again agitated. When she spoke again she was calm and sounded very embarrassed. "I saw you" she hesitated again, "naked." I laughed out loud. She turned around in disbelief and then it quickly turned to anger before she turned around again. "My poor innocent Bella. I'm sorry." I walked over to face her and put my hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry." I said again once I composed myself. "Bella, honey, this is a little awkward. I'd really like to apologise with a kiss, but, uh, I think the experience would be…" I trailed off. I'm sure she caught my drift.

"Don't worry about it." She waved it off with her hand.

"So…. did you like what you saw"  
"Edward Cullen." Her eyes popped out and her jaw dropped in disbelief. I chuckled and she glared.

"You're not using my glare to its fullest potential." I teased.  
"Shut up." She said in a deadpan voice. "It's quite obvious that I'm enjoying this more than you are"  
"Clearly." She growled. I raised my eyebrow and she poked my tongue out at me.

"Please Bella, you're ruining my image."

"Edward."

"Yes." She sounded serious. I wondered what else was wrong.  
"One of the other vampires can see into the past." I could tell she was getting somewhere other than the fact that she just told me. "I saw you."

"What did you see?"  
"You're still reluctant for me to know about your past aren't you?" she could tell by my reaction and guarded voice. I nodded.

"But I'm getting better." I said. She smiled.

"You were in a bed in a hospital ward. You were very pale and your cheeks were flushed red, covered in sweat and coughing chronically. You looked exactly the same as you do now." She traced my brow; her fingers sliding down my cheek. "And then I saw your parents," she smiled, "And 'those' ten years." I looked away ashamed. She held my face and brought it level with hers. "Edward, I'm never going to be disgusted by what you did in the past."

She turned back into herself, but her eyes were blue and her skin a light olive tan. "Much better, but still not the same." I didn't like this gift very much and it showed. "I don't like it anymore than you do." She said a little irritated. She sighed and her head fell to my chest in defeat. Instinctively I put my arms around her and stroked her hair. "I love you Bella."

**Bella**

"Thank you for loving me. I can't believe we're going to be together forever now. A dream come true." I held him tighter. I took a shaky breath. "So there are only three of them?" I nodded.

"Maybe you should try and give them back their powers."

"If only I had thought of that earlier." The sarcasm was fully pronounced. Edward just continued to look at me – non-committal. I closed my eyes and stood very still trying to do what I did in my bedroom to get rid of their powers. My brows knitted together. "It's not working."

"Just relax." He said squeezing my shoulders gently. "Let it feel natural." His soothing voice was making me relaxed. I felt myself sway on the spot. I felt Edward hovering over me just encase something would happen. Once again I side benched the vampires' gifts. I searched for each thread, cutting them individually. "All gone." I smiled then frowned.  
"I can't here anything."

"I know." I said through gritted teeth.  
"Don't worry. We'll practice once we get back home." Edward tried to reassure me.

"Stupid gift," I sighed. He chuckled.

"C'mon we can continue this talk inside. We should talk to your parents." Reluctantly I dragged my feet back to my Mum's house dreading the task at hand and also battling the scent of human blood.

**Alice**

"Alice." Jasper sounded relieved and happy.  
"Jasper," I smiled into the phone, "How are you?"  
"I'm okay I've been hunting a bit more than usual. Emmett and Esme have been going with me. They make sure I'm not alone. But I'm still anxious without you though"  
"I know. I'm sorry that I just up and left without telling you. It was just really important. Edward needed me"  
"What's wrong"  
"Long story"  
"I've got all the time in the world. I just want to be with you until you have to go"  
"Jasper"  
"Yes"  
"I love you"  
"I know." I could hear the smirk over the phone.  
"Major Whitlock you sound very cocky"  
"What can I say I know what I'm good at." He said arrogantly. He chuckled at himself for a couple of beats. I giggled. "Let me start the long story." I relayed the events of what had happened. I left out very personal experiences – like her attempted suicide - that I would leave up to Bella if she wanted the whole family to know or not about her past. "No wonder Carlisle has been strung out. He's waiting for you to call him"  
"Everything is all right now. We're going to plan what happens next once Bella has fed."  
"She hasn't yet?" I could hear the surprise in his voice.  
"No, there's nothing here. Edward suggested something from the butchers." I could feel the shudder that rolled off Jasper's shoulders. "Not very appetizing."

"No, but it'll have to do until we get back. I can tell that she's worried about it"  
"When will you get back?" You could tell that he was eager for my return.  
"Friday around five in the afternoon. Be there"  
"Of course," he smiled through the phone.  
"I better go. I'll see you soon. I miss you." I said in a small voice.  
"I love you, Alice." It was full of emotion.  
"Love you too!" I squealed happily changing the atmosphere. I heard him chuckle as I hung up.

Deciding it was near to sunrise I started back for Bella's house. Telling Jasper what had happened these past few days, it finally started to sink in. I tried to gather all the events, feelings and emotions on the walk back. Bella a vampire. I knew that this would happen, I saw it happen, but not by these types of events. I took a deep breath of fresh air and sighed as I entered the house. I never imagined myself this drained of energy physically and mentally.

**Bella**

We all sat in the lounge room surrounding the coffee table. Charlie in one chair; Phil and Mum on the couch their fingers linked; in the remaining armchair I sat as Edward stood behind me the image of a gentleman in front of my parents. We were waiting for Alice. She walked through the door on a sigh. She was totally bushed. I made a silent oath to myself that I would let Alice take me shopping for a whole year without complaint.

"Okay," Charlie opened the meeting, "So…maybe we should hear your side of what should happen now?" In his awkwardness he turned to Edward and me. He took the role naturally. "It'll just go back to the way things were. But I'd like to ask your permission for Bella to move in with me, with the Cullen's." He asked looking at Charlie and Rene. Charlie came to a decision first.

"Yes," he said hesitantly, "but…" I held my breath "not until Bella is eighteen." He looked at Rene and she nodded.

"That sounds reasonable." Rene agreed.  
"Thank you, Charlie." Edward smiled politely. I was kind of bummed that I couldn't move in right away, but then again I was glad that Charlie was parenting me like a normal teenage daughter with a normal boyfriend. I was grateful for that. "Great sounds like a plan. Is that all?" I asked perched on the edge of the seat. What I really wanted to be doing was catching up with Edward alone.

"Hold on a sec, Bella?" Rene said, "I want to know how you're going to adjust to this…new lifestyle?"

"Er…" Before I could look to Edward to answer for me Alice cut in.  
"We'll do like a crash course like a how to on controlling her strength and thirst. Don't worry Bella won't hurt anyone during the training"  
"Bella and I will start that immediately once we arrive back in Forks." Edward stated.

We arrived in Forks on Friday and I temporarily moved in with the Cullen's for my training. "Okay, let's get started." I was eager to get over or at least partially my anxiety for human blood. I didn't want to feel so uneasy for the next fifty years. I just hoped that I could adapt to this new lifestyle.

"We'll all help you with this." Edward explained. "Even Rosalie"  
Edward looked at me for a beat and told me no. I expected as much. I shouldn't even continue to ask whenever Edward said 'all' it was with the exception of Rosalie. I would have to try and make amends with her soon since I was moving into her home. But amends for what? Honestly she was starting to grate on my nerves. One day soon I'd have to sit with Rosalie and talk it out…or duke it out.

"We'll start easy and then progress to the harder aspects of the training. Okay?" I nodded. "First you should put these in. To get used to them." He handed me a pair of brown coloured contacts. Edward smiled at me. I think he took pleasure that I resembled something of my former appearance. I would wear contacts for the rest of my life if that would make him happier. I was that tempted to steal his gift just to find out. It would be hard not to violate other vampires' powers. I was still getting used to absorbing other vampires' extra gifts, hopefully I'd have it under wraps soon. It would be very difficult to handle the gift in the public's eye.

**Edward**

"Edward, I can't do it." If Bella could cry she would have. Even through the plastic that held the blood it permeated the room. The aroma of human blood overpowered her sense of smell and the urge to drink the bag of blood left on the table. She struggled against me; her hands outstretched trying to grasp the contents. "Bella, just think about what you're about to do. Just think that that could be a human. She's alive, young, and beautiful and you want every single drop that she has in her body," he paused, "But that woman has a life; she's struggled to get that dream job that she's always wanted since she was ten-years-old; she has a fiancé that loves her so much, they're planning on having children – they'd like a boy and a girl and maybe a third child," I felt her weaken, "they've laughed together, and she's held his hand while he cried at his mother's funeral. He knows his life would be meaningless without her." She collapsed onto the floor exhausted. "This is so hard. I hate that I can't control myself. Thinking that it could just come out of nowhere." I bent down next to her gathering her into my arms. I rocked her. "It gets easier. Believe me it does. You're only young Bella, you can't get this the first time round. We'll keep at it for as long as it takes." She held on tighter. She continued to fight the urge. She kept staring at the packet on the table.

**Bella**

"Open it." I whispered.

"Pardon?"

"Open the packet of blood." I said again.  
"Bella?" "I think I'm alright. I think you could say that I'm desensitised." I smiled thoughtfully at past memories. He smiled too.

"Are you sure?" It had been what seemed like two weeks since Edward had introduced the human blood. I nodded. He looked at me for a second gauging my emotions. He untangled himself from me and walked over to the table. He picked up the bag and tore it open.

The scent was maddening and I was suddenly on my feet trying so desperately not to taste it. I balled my hands into fists. Edward stayed where he was at the table staring at me. Making it far worse, my breath came raggedly like I had just run for my life (as a human). "Control yourself, Bella." Edward said softly. Easier said than done. I tired to relax, forcing my lungs to stop functioning. When I finally did I took tentative steps toward Edward, towards the spilt blood.

"I believe in you Bella." He looked at me full of love and concern. It made me that much stronger. I took my last steps and fell into this embrace. I looked over his shoulder at the bloodstained table and swallowed the lump in my throat, no doubt the desire. I closed my eyes and thanked God that I had someone like Edward and the Cullen's looking over me.

_**Hey guys!**_

_**About time! I hear you say! It's been ages as you are aware of. Thank you so much for all your support and thanks to the people who asked if in more or less words would update. Thanks for you patience. Next chapter I'm gonna try and incorporate for emotions and feelings. I think its what it needs like back in the day (Part I). Well, hope you enjoyed it.**_


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